I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
