You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
