He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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