I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
