And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
