True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
