i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
