Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize