the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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