if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im having a threesome with these popsicles
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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