Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
