And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have aggressive nipples.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
