i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
