I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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