Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize