well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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