My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
