sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
