Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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