Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
