well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
