oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
