I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
