We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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