that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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