I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
