I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
