rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
