Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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