Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
