rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
