I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
