Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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