It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
