i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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