I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize