the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
