You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
