I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
