either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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