$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
