the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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