boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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