oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
