evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
