Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
