alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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