gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
