So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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