In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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