I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
