The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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