and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
