I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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