so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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