i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
