i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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