THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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