my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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