when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
