Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
