it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
