i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
