what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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