Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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