There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
