woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
