I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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