I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is my gift to your gina
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
