Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
