Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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