Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
