I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
