last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
