I think I won the penis lottery.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
