i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
