ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize