he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
