Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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