I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
