I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they're like a gay fantastic four
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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