You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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