Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i think my cat just said my name.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
