I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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