i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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