found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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