Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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