I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
