If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
