my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
