she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
