Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
