Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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