So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
