I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
