i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
