so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
