I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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