There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
