what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
