he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
